All the thoughts that run through your head when your child’s school calls in the middle of the day.
1. “Please tell me he didn’t grab somebody’s truck during choice time again.”
How many conversations have you had with this kid about using his words? And about how the green truck is for everybody to play with, not just him? He’s such a sweet boy, really, except when it comes to that green truck. (Or so you’ll explain to his teacher, again.)
2. “Oh god, she finally caught that stomach bug that’s been going around. We’re all doomed!”
You had a funny feeling when she didn’t finish her bagel at breakfast, but you sent her to school anyway. Did she get sick at her desk or did she make it to the bathroom? Come to think of it, you’re starting to feel a little queasy, too. What’s the incubation period for a stomach virus again??
3. “Did I forget to put his lunch in his backpack?”
Let’s face it: It wouldn’t be the first time. You definitely packed him a sandwich (and cut the crusts off, naturally). You even remembered to write a little note with a smiley face on his napkin…but none of that will do him any good if his lunchbox is still sitting on the kitchen counter.
4. “She finally went ahead and took the hamster for show-and-tell, didn’t she?”
Never mind that you told her a million times how show-and-tell is for non-living creatures like stuffed animals and that teachers don’t like furry animals running loose in their classrooms. The fact is, you didn’t double check to see if Mr. Nibbles was in his cage this morning…and you have a sinking feeling he’s hiding out in your kid’s pocket right about now.
5. “This better not be about him using ‘inappropriate language’ AGAIN.”
You try not to swear around the kids, really you do. But you definitely used some colorful expletives when that %*#@ cut you off in traffic the other day, and, well, monkey see, monkey say…
6. “Great, now I’m going to have to drive over there with another pair of back-up underpants.”
She hardly ever has accidents anymore, so when the teacher sent home a reminder for everyone to bring in an extra outfit (just in case), it completely slipped your mind. Now she’s probably stuck wearing some other kid’s back-up Disney Princess underwear, all because you weren’t prepared.
7. “Uh-oh, was today a half-day?!”
Why, why, why do kids have so many early dismissals nowadays? It’s impossible to keep up! You can just see his angry little face now: “Mom, you FORGOT me.” You’re gonna have to make a special hot chocolate stop on the way home to make up for this one.
8. “NO NO NO NOT LICE ANYTHING BUT LICE!”
You’ve been checking your kid’s head obsessively ever since you heard somebody in her class was plagued with the evil critters, but maybe you missed something? Honestly, you’d rather she brought a stomach bug home!
9. “Will that kid ever stop eating play-dough?”
Honestly, at this point his teacher probably thinks you don’t feed him at home. If only play-dough had some nutritional value.
10. “Is this about Santa/the Easter Bunny/the Tooth Fairy?”
Ever since her big sister spilled the beans about who really leaves all those presents (or colored eggs or money), she’s been threatening to break the news to all her friends. You’re gonna get some seriously dirty looks at pickup from now on!